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Insecurity

Would you consider it greedy
To ache for all that brightness
Missing that exquisite feeling The one of belonging and rightness
It's strange to yearn for crowded rooms For so many lilts and tones But jarring is this silence now Greyness, evenings spent alone
Spent are my limbs and lungs A rest from the fight is blessed Alas the lack of friends I made Leaves my heart put to the test
And perhaps it's just a drama Withdrawal from my high of glee Now my soul is left unsatisfied It makes no sense to you, but me
And no man is an island I've heard it said once or twice Before, not knowing any difference Now here a drowning vice
But may I still cling on to hope That the door is still half open Some of you may remember me Have enjoyed the words we've spoken
And mayhaps, tis the darkness Whispers words against new friends That perhaps what has been started It has yet to meet its ends
Recent posts

Bric-A-Brac

If for all the hopes and wishes
In my heart I had
A button or a bead then
I'd be just like an old lady living alone
With a tin that used to contain chocolate
Crammed full
Up to the brim with what once had been
Useful, bright and ready to be used
Now just fragments
Reminders of what plans I'd made
Rattling around
Until I pass away and to anyone else
They're nothing
Meaningless oddments to throw in the bin

Mortality

A teardrop to a summer storm
Or more a truck stop to a driver
I do not know which one I was
My hope is that I'll be neither
A petal on a dying rose
Or its bush's prickly thorns
Either evergreen and unwanted
Or finite despite who mourns
It's hard to see what's pencil
And what is written in ink
I know that I'm indelible
Or at least that's what I think

To depart and leave behind
Naught but a ghost of joy and pain
I'll work until I'm deadly sure
Something of me will remain

I have no excuse, I was very depressed when I wrote this

I'm bleeding on the dance floor
But the band keeps playing on
And the dancers keep on twirling
As their shoe soles turn crimson
My blood type's AB positive And I'm positively sure                         I wish the only blood that's spilling  Would be mine across this floor
My eyes drift close, I'm failing           The band's melody begins to waver
And the dancers dance more slowly    To this new melancholy flavour
My lady beckons me closer                My cheek rests on the sticky floor    She's finally come to collect me          And set me free from this life's chore
Yet my heart does not feel joyous    Only sorrow has made it crack     Though all awaits me is more pain      I'll give anything to go back
This is how this chapter ends
But there’s still more here to write
I’ll pick myself up off this floor   
This novel won’t end tonight

I'm bleeding on the dance floor
And the band keeps playing on
But I'm twirling with the dancers
For now just managing to…

Fragility

Do not press against these walls
These structures made of ash
And dust from all the little things
that shattered, made of glass
I have lived in many houses
That have all been built the same
I try to build them stronger
Yet they all end up aflame

This goes around in circles
A torture without end
Until I end up six feet down
In death I need no friends

Family get-together (and getaway as quickly as possible)

It's the family Christmas party
And everyone's gathered around
A chance to praise the family smarties
The rest go drink another round
My great aunt's still talking, droning on
Showing no signs of wearying or dropping
The babies start screaming, one by one
Shushed by mums, but not completely stopping
Eyeing up games, not monopoly, we're not mad
Even my Nana's sneaked out back for a fag
The food's been scoffed, mostly by my dad
We've been here an hour, it feels like a drag
At last I remember, as I'm on my umpteenth beer This is why we go through this just the once a year

3am Wanderings and Wonderings

End of day, soft pillow, warm quilt
Heater on high, empty room
Out-back courtyard, moon bright, stone hard
Goosebumps in post-midnight gloom

Eyes wide, can't sleep, struggling to unwind
Cold air, cold heart
Bare legs, smoke curls, once neat hair unfurls
Inside, fall apart

Orange light, stubbed out
Long night, no doubt